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Progressive Peasant Comes out as “Royal We”

Norwich, England Bleak Midwinter, 1275 Breaking news as progressive peasant, Eustace of Norwich, has bravely come out as the “Royal We.” Eustace is long since deceased, but crews from the BBC just arrived on the scene because they got caught up trying to say “progressive peasant” five times fast. Fortunately, they were able to…
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First Frost

The Scottish people may not have been big fans, but this Arizona girl found the first frost enchanting. (Until she almost slipped on ice during her run, that is.) His kiss was cold, pinking my pale face As he sucked my breath away in steaming plumes; But smooth and crystalline as spider’s lace, Beneath my…
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Taylor Swift Fan, 23, Continues to Identify as 22

14 November 2019 Los Angeles, California A local young woman’s birthday party took a shocking turn as she announced, in reply to well-wishers’ shouts of “Surprise!” that she was not turning 23 at all, but would rather continue to live her best life as a 22-year-old. “I just couldn’t see myself as a 23-year-old,” said…
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The Philanthropist

He began the fall in wealth, His arms hanging heavy with green, new-money Made in spring. It was the cash that grows on trees: Easily spent and easily made, Budded by summer and Minted by the gold-standard sun. Investing at Autumn’s asking, He lays a few leavings in her chill-bone hands But scatters the rest…
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Jesus is King: A reflection on the man and the music

Furthermore, we must be careful that we do not perpetuate the assumption that those particular songs represent the genre as a whole. Kanye’s conversion is not only revealing deep-seated hypocrisy within our hearts as believers but prejudice toward an entire artistic genre. However, the release of Jesus is King offers the remedy to both biases,…
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Another Sea

Scotland is a beautiful place and its music never fails to hit me right in the feels. (I mean, who doesn’t shed a tiny tear at “Parting Glass” or “Wild Mountain Thyme”?) And when I fall in love with a particular type of music, I tend to want to make it my own through songwriting.…
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Breaking: Choir Director’s Eyebrows Ascend into Heaven as Choir Goes out of Tune

13 October 2019 Los Angeles, California – A local church choir has been thrust into the spotlight as reports are circulating that its director’s eyebrows have been prematurely raptured. “It was truly a miracle,” said long-time congregation member and greeter Jim Dennison. “I was sitting in the pews listening to the choir and suddenly I…
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Nation’s Organists Rally to Fight Stereotypes as Halloween Draws Near

9 October 2019 Los Angeles, California Nearing the middle of October, spooky season is in full swing and Halloween celebrants across the nation are gathering their pumpkins, brooms, and ominous soundtracks in preparation for their night of revelry. Halloween has long been a time of community, of neighbors sharing chili on the front porch, children…
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Theme and Variations

Not long ago (though it seems a lifetime), I wrote about modulations. The idea that the dissonance of post-college life would eventually resolve into normalcy was comforting; considering the modulations in music were consoling to me as I felt keenly the sudden transitions I experienced after four years of relatively little change. Several months later,…
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Maybe it’s Because of Winn Dixie

I’m reading Gone with the Wind again for what is somewhere between the fourth or seventh time. It seems that anytime I am between books, unsure what to read next, or feeling unsettled, I turn (second to my Bible) to that enormous novel for no better reason than that it is a darn good story. But my…
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Schumann’s Arabeske: A Musical Love Letter

It is my conviction that one must fall in love to play Schumann well. I did not at first enjoy practicing his Arabeske, Op. 18; while I understood the piece theoretically, I did not truly understand it emotionally or spiritually until I, like the composer, fell in love. Then, all at once, its nuances and…
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