Satire
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Groundbreaking: Pride Identifies as Fruit of the Spirit
Los Angeles, June 2021 (because that tends to be where this sort of thing happens) In a moment of laudable boldness, Pride has left its longtime association with the deadly sins and has, instead, announced his real identity as a fruit of the Spirit. “As you know,” said Pride in a recent interview for The… Continue reading
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“The One”: A Short Scene
People still meet the old-fashioned way. It was a startling realization, but sweet. Elliot-Anne smiled back at the boy across the café. She thought maybe he had been smiling at her earlier, but their masks had made it difficult to tell for certain. Now, though, seated many feet away, their mouths confirmed what their eyes… Continue reading
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The Master becomes the Student: University Combats Expert Culture
Nowhere, AZ17 July 2020 As schools consider how to reopen in the fall, a revolutionary group of students are demanding not only health accommodations, but a complete change to education altogether—and Northwesteastern Arizona University is listening. One of Arizona’s lesser-known institutions, Northwesteastern University was fortunate enough to continue its ordinary teaching despite COVID-19 closures because… Continue reading
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Dear Mr. Potter: An Open Letter on Cancel Culture
Mr. H. PotterThe Cupboard under the Stairs4 Privet Drive Little WhingingSurrey Dear Mr. Potter, We at the Ministry of Magic are writing to inform you of a significant occurrence of which it is imperative that you be informed. To put it bluntly, you are now thrice-orphaned. The passing of your heroic father and mother, Lily… Continue reading
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ABC Introduces Groundbreaking Polygamist Season of The Bachelor
20 February 2020 Los Angeles, California In wake of the Utah senate’s recent move to decriminalize polygamy, production staff for ABC’s hit reality dating show, The Bachelor, are struggling to keep up with Utah’s surprisingly-woke agenda. Reality show blogger, entertainment correspondent, and part-time stalker, Kale McBirkenstock, has confirmed that fans can expect big changes for… Continue reading
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Progressive Peasant Comes out as “Royal We”
Norwich, England Bleak Midwinter, 1275 Breaking news as progressive peasant, Eustace of Norwich, has bravely come out as the “Royal We.” Eustace is long since deceased, but crews from the BBC just arrived on the scene because they got caught up trying to say “progressive peasant” five times fast. Fortunately, they were able to… Continue reading
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Taylor Swift Fan, 23, Continues to Identify as 22
14 November 2019 Los Angeles, California A local young woman’s birthday party took a shocking turn as she announced, in reply to well-wishers’ shouts of “Surprise!” that she was not turning 23 at all, but would rather continue to live her best life as a 22-year-old. “I just couldn’t see myself as a 23-year-old,” said… Continue reading
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Breaking: Choir Director’s Eyebrows Ascend into Heaven as Choir Goes out of Tune
13 October 2019 Los Angeles, California- A local church choir has been thrust into the spotlight as reports are circulating that the choir director’s eyebrows have been, prematurely, raptured. “It was truly a miracle,” said long-time congregation member and greeter Jim Dennison. “I was sitting in the pews listening to the choir and suddenly I… Continue reading
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Nation’s Organists Rally to Fight Stereotypes as Halloween Draws Near
9 October 2019 Los Angeles, California Nearing the middle of October, spooky season is in full swing and Halloween celebrants across the nation are gathering their pumpkins, brooms, and ominous soundtracks in preparation for their night of revelry. Halloween has long been a time of community, of neighbors sharing chili on the front porch, children… Continue reading
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Poll: Best Part of Movies are Concessions
PHOENIX, ARIZONA- Polling of consumers leaving a current blockbuster film reveal that the best part of the movies are, indeed, the concessions. “But we don’t just mean popcorn and jumbo sodas!” said customer relations director Jack Hughs. “It turns out that the concessions made by viewers are what allow them to enjoy almost any… Continue reading
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Ryanne Molinari 