I don’t often write on current events. I’d rather write about the timeless truths found in Scripture, literature, and music than chase trending tragedies. But I cannot stop thinking and grieving over the Caleb Flynn case, not just because he was a former worship leader but because his mistress was a current one. As a current worship director, longtime church musician, and writer with a deep passion for the church’s songs, I want to offer my honest thoughts on this case for the protection and edification of all true worshipers.
First, we as the church need to recognize that there are two murderers in this case. Yes, Caleb’s finger pulled the trigger. He deserves the greater punishment for that. However, Jesus calls us to a higher morality than simply avoiding bloodshed; he calls us to actively guard against bitterness, which is imagined and intended murder (Matt. 5:21–22). Over and over, Alleigha Botner wished for the death of Caleb Flynn’s wife and spoke of her in the most disparaging language. I suspect we will see the world present Botner as an impassioned, misguided young woman, but never a murderer. As the church, we must hold to a justice higher than that of the world’s. We must remember that we are, in fact, held culpable for indulging dark desires, not merely engaging in violent actions.
We cannot dismiss Botner’s murderous desires as “mere words.” Taking the stand, she argued that she didn’t mean those hateful text messages. She didn’t mean it all those times she wished for the death of two little girls’ mother.
Jesus is clear that careless words are sinful, and rarely actually empty. A worship leader, of all people, should know that “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34; Lk. 6:45). What most fills our hearts will most characterize our speech. What we say in unguarded or heated moments says more about us than our most practiced speeches—or songs. We can’t just mutter, “I didn’t mean that.” Our empty words spill from our full hearts—hearts abounding with violence, greed, lust, covetousness, and all manner of other vile things.
The duplicity of a worship leader committing murder in her heart while singing of new life in Christ should also horrify us. It is not a lesser sin than actual murder, even if it is less messy. It’s taking the name of the Lord in vain—bearing the name of Christ falsely and worshiping God with lying lips. A court may not find someone guilty for breaking this commandment, but the Lord himself will, and that should be far more terrifying (Ex. 20:7; Deut. 5:11).
No matter how careful churches are, false teachers and leaders will rise up among them. However, this does not mean we should not take precautions. It strikes me that worship ministry too often proves a comfortable environment for people set on destruction—of themselves and of others. Having spent years thinking about music ministry and the fruit of the Spirit, I believe this is often because we do not properly understand what to prioritize in our worship leaders. We listen for musical ability and look for a joyful stage presence. But actually, when interviewing candidates, we need to focus on the fruit we tend to think about the least in relation to worship leading: self-control.
In Ephesians 5:18–21, Spirit-filled singing is presented as inextricably linked with self-control. In fact, such singing is presented as the opposite of drunken reveling. If we want Spirit-filled worship leaders, we would do best to seek out self-controlled worshipers. They may not be as flashy, virtuosic, trendy, or engaging. They may not be the best performers. But they also probably won’t have affairs or dream of murder. So there’s that.
When considering worship leaders, I believe we should interview their friends, family, and/or spouses to determine whether they are characterized by self-control. Do they rule over their desires? Do they keep their passions in check? Do they keep a close watch on their lives and doctrine? If the answer to any of these is “I’m not sure,” then we must become comfortable waiting and letting prospective leaders mature and prove themselves over time.
Our standard for worship leaders, too, cannot be lowered for the young or the female. I expect that many secular people and even some Christians will consider Botner more as a victim than perpetrator. But respectfully, that’s insulting. I was once a 21-year-old female worship musician. I would have been mortified if my pastors and churches thought so little of me that they didn’t think it reasonable or worthwhile to hold me to the same standards as my older, male counterparts. If young women want to be taken seriously in ministry and in the world, we must accept the standards and culpability of responsible adults. We must refuse to be infantilized. When we err, we must—if you pardon the pun—face the music.
I hope that Botner will, eventually, be restored to Christian fellowship. But I also hope that she will not be restored to worship leadership, excused simply because she was young and female. The reality is that any of us who would claim any sort of leadership in the church are held to a higher standard, and Christian leadership is a privilege, not a right. I think we have come around to this view when it comes to pastors. But “worship leader” is a more nebulous role. Scripture does not have a specific passage outlining what a musical worship leader must be. This, however, does not make the role open to everyone with a guitar and keen sense of pitch. I fear that, too often, churches accept their lot as a haven for unemployed musicians. I write about this at length in Chapter 4 of Spirit-Filled Singing: Bearing Fruit as We Worship Together. Throughout my time as a church musician, I have been shocked by how many of my professional colleagues are not Christians in profession or practice. They are, instead, musicians who saw and snapped up a steady gig.
Consider this my plea to churches: stop being taken advantage of by musicians who do not understand and embrace the gospel because that, ultimately, is what I fear Botner and Flynn proved themselves to be.
Caleb Flynn reportedly told Botner that he would kill his wife, but was afraid it would send him to hell. Now, Botner says that she hates Flynn because of what he did—even though it was what she wished for all along. Flynn and Botner operated according to a sort of prideful legalism, desperately trying to avoid consequences of a secret sin they would not relinquish. They seemed to believe that if they held back from some of the most obvious sins, they could avoid not only jail but condemnation.
But that isn’t the gospel.
The gospel is that we are all bound for hell. We are all sinners. We all have committed murder in our hearts, spoken ugly words that we really do mean, and alternately blessed and cursed the Lord with the same lips. I say this not to minimize Flynn’s sin, but to clarify that just not murdering your wife doesn’t qualify you for heaven.
The gospel begins with the recognition that we are all guilty before our perfect God. And yet, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Rom. 5:6–11). He took upon himself the just consequences of our sin, paying the penalty, and winning salvation and life for those who would trust in him.
Caleb Flynn and Alleigha Botner, ex-worship leaders, do not appear to understand this. They both sang praises with adulterous lips and murderous hearts. But rather than repenting, they tried in vain to hide their sin. Based on their now-public words and deeds, Botner and Flynn do not seem to have grasped the gospel. Let’s pray ardently that they come to—and that our churches would be protected from worship leaders who sing of a grace they do not yet know.
Before I sign off, I want to offer one final thought to consider. This is far from the most essential takeaway from this case, but I found it interesting. Caleb Flynn apparently used AI to generate songs for his mistress. Using AI to generate songs is not automatically a sin, but it may be a symptom. Throughout Scripture, the Holy Spirit is intimately involved in godly artistry (Ex. 35–36; Eph. 5:18). It would follow, then, that Christian creativity would suffer when we quench the Spirit, perhaps leading us to outsource even the writing of love songs to machines. But you know what? Lust is a cheap imitation of love, so maybe it was fitting for Flynn to have AI generate soulless serenades
