Ryanne Molinari

Let me open this sixth article in our Bethel-Hillsong series with a confession: I have not always been kind when it comes to worship music. I have vivid memories of sitting through sets that I didn’t like with clenched jaws and crossed arms.

That is not kind.

Let me follow that up with another confession. I also have helped lead songs I do not believe are fruitful because I was not honest enough to say, “Count me out for this set, but I’d love to be back next week,” or “Do you mind if we change this word here or don’t sing that verse?”

That is not kind either.

Too often, we use “nice” and “kind” interchangeably, which makes me want to scream (in the kindest way possible, of course), “STOP IT!”

You see, “niceness” is focused on appeasement, affirmation, and avoidance of conflict. It lacks the depth of biblical kindness, which is an attribute of God. Would we ever describe God as merely “tolerant” or “polite”? Probably not. But He is kind.

Kindness can be understood as a sort of hybrid between generosity and usefulness. It is about meeting the real needs of others, physically and spiritually. It isn’t just about being nice and pleasant, nor is it about being abrasive and proud. Instead, kindness is realistic and honest, proceeding from a servant’s heart and prioritizing what is beneficial for building up the Church.

Kindness does not manifest in crossed-arms and angry countenances, but it also does not require us to play music that troubles our consciences just to appease other people. Kindness is useful, generous, honest, tactful, and discerning, rendering it the perfect fruit for reestablishing how we discuss and engage in worship music. Kindness might not offer a clear “yes” or “no” answer when it comes to using or not using music by Bethel and Hillsong, but maybe that isn’t the point. Maybe it’s more important to take this opportunity to honestly check our own attitudes. Rather than continuing to debate whether Bethel and Hillsong can be worshipful, let’s examine ourselves to see whether we are behaving worshipfully.

First, are we going out of our way to show disapproval?

Second, are we able to uphold our convictions with wisdom and humility?

Let’s consider how we often fail to foster kindness in the Bethel-Hillsong debate (and in worship more generally) as both participants and leaders. For the sake of kindness, I’ll throw myself under the bus instead of nitpicking others.

For Worship Participants…

First, let’s consider a church where I was not the worship leader—or even part of the worship team, for that matter. I attended this church because the sermons were stellar. I was fed real meat and was growing deeper in my understanding of the scriptures, but I struggled with the worship. Among other things, this church used songs by Bethel and Hillsong, even as it held fast to biblical doctrine and morality.

To say I would have led the worship differently is an understatement. However, to cross my arms, refuse to sing, and complain loudly after each service would have been not only unkind but ridiculous. Nobody was forcing me to attend this church. I was attending because I felt it was the most biblical option in my area, and I loved the sermons. At the end of the day, I chose to prioritize sound teaching over pleasant (to my ears) sounds. To attend this church freely and then to make a stink about its music not being to my exact personal liking would be—pardon my French—stupid.

Real talk time: When you choose to attend a church, you are choosing what matters most to you. If you opt for a church with excellent preaching over a church with the music you most enjoy, you need to watch your heart and hold your tongue. Yes, you can give constructive feedback. Yes, you can be honest about the music you prefer. Yes, you can submit song requests or bring your concerns to the leaders. But there is a big difference between humbly offering feedback when appropriate and fruitless complaining. The first is kind because it is oriented toward usefulness. Sharing honest and tactful feedback with leaders helps build up the church. Complaining to anyone who will listen is the opposite of useful; it breeds a spirit of resentment, tears down ministries, and can destroy the joyful hearts of leaders and other worshipers.

Real talk time: When you choose to attend a church, you are choosing what matters most to you. If you opt for a church with excellent preaching over a church with the music you most enjoy, you need to watch your heart and hold your tongue.

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For too long, I was the church curmudgeon, grumbling about the worship instead of doing something to improve it. (Have you noticed that the people with the loudest opinions are often not even on the worship team…?) Now, when people ask my opinion about a worship set, I strive to speak as if the worship leader is beside me. I will share my opinion, but I know now that there is always a way to be both honest and humble. There is always either a kind thing to say or, at least, a kinder way to say it.

If we choose to attend and serve in a church where we are constantly complaining about the music, we are not being kind. Instead, we’re being double-minded and even deceptive, claiming to serve that church with one side of our mouths while we decrying its worship with the other. This isn’t useful. Instead, serve wholeheartedly in the church you choose. If your dislike of the music overshadows your love for the church itself, maybe you need to find another church or focus less on the worship and more on your attitude.

Here’s the truth: singing or not singing music by Bethel and Hillsong is not a salvation issue. I know godly, Christ-centered, Bible-believing churches and leaders on both sides of the debate. We have a right to our opinions, but voicing them without kindness is not right.

Your duty is to participate and serve in a local body of believers. If song choice or style is a stumbling block to you, you can absolutely have a discussion with your leaders. However, you must remember that your first realm of responsibility is your own heart. Check yourself for kindness.

For Worship Leaders…

I am in the unique position of being a worship participant at one church and a worship leader at another. I love this, as it gives me a more well-rounded, fair-minded approach to issues in worship music.

One of the best parts of being a worship leader is that I don’t usually have to play music I don’t like. Realistically, because I lead traditional worship, I don’t have to decide whether or not to use music by Bethel and Hillsong. However, the following principle is true across styles. If you as a leader don’t enjoy listening to music by particular artists or organizations, or you have real concerns about buying and using their music, then it is dishonest to program their songs—and dishonesty is incompatible with kindness.

This year, I had the joy of relaunching a church choir that had stopped rehearsing during the pandemic. As I picked music for the year, I did my best to pick repertoire that was attainable for a small volunteer ensemble. However, it was equally important that my selections be enjoyable to sing and play. If I can’t stand it, why on earth would I program it? This sounds like common sense, but I’ve spent enough time in church choirs to know that it’s easier to program, well, easier music without concern for its enduring theological or compositional value.

But is it kind to force your choir, band, or congregation to sing songs you despise? It might seem “useful” at first since such songs tend to be immediately accessible. In the long run, though, are you serving your singers’ minds, hearts, and souls? Are you providing musical “meat” or sentimental “milk”?

Worship leaders, I beg you. Use music that you are passionate about, even if it takes more time to find and more effort to rehearse. Be useful to your singers, leading them in the songs they need and not just the ones that are most readily available or attainable.

At the same time, kindness does require us to seek, plan, and lead songs that are singable. The music we select has to be manageable by your teams and congregations or else they will be too overwhelmed by musical complexity to sing joyfully. I sent an anonymous survey to my choir members last week, and one of the answers stuck with me: “When the notes are too high for me, singing isn’t fun anymore.”

Kindness requires me to render singing a delight, not a burden. Even as I program music that is artistically and theologically satisfying, I need to take care that I work with my singers to encourage their strengths and accommodate or shore up their weaknesses. If I have to write more alto harmonies or host more vocal coaching sessions, so be it. That’s the way of kindness—the way of usefulness.

So how does this relate to the Bethel-Hillsong debate? Essentially, your duty as a worship leader is to use music you find genuinely useful. If you are spiritually and musically nourished by the music of Bethel and Hillsong, and you believe your bands and congregations will be too, then go ahead and use their work!

If you do not enjoy Bethel and Hillsong, why do you feel you must program their songs? Does it serve your congregation? If so, you might need to use their music occasionally, submitting your preferences to serve others. But if you cannot stand their music, why would you waste your time and that of your congregation? If you don’t like the music you’re leading, it’s foolish to think that won’t show through on Sunday morning. How can you serve the Lord and your congregation wholeheartedly if you are halfhearted about your selections?

To Summarize…

Kindness is a more complex fruit than we give it credit for. It’s not just niceness or appeasement. Neither is it untempered soapboxing. Instead, it’s about usefulness, which will include encouragement and conviction. Kindness is always oriented toward building up the church in truth and grace, rather than tearing down those with different musical tastes.

Ultimately, kindness requires us to examine our own attitudes and intentions before we go about confronting those of others. As participants, before we vocalize our opinions, we must ask ourselves: “Is what I have to say helpful? Can I voice my concerns in a tactful way, without targeting anyone in particular? Are my concerns biblical? Who am I serving by voicing my opinions—the church or myself?” And, we need to be totally honest with ourselves by also asking, “Am I voicing my opinion because I see a deficiency that I can help remedy? Or do I simply enjoy making my disapproval heard?”

Too many people happily criticize worship music without seriously thinking about joining the worship team, finding and suggesting better songs, or even asking the worship leader about his/her decision process. Don’t be a backseat driver. If you’re committed to your church but dissatisfied with something, don’t just complain—serve. Find a practical way to understand and potentially solve the perceived problem.

Speak carefully. Serve readily. Be kind.

As leaders, we need to examine our song choices, asking with each selection, “Do I find this theologically beneficial? Is this edifying to my congregation? Do I enjoy this music enough to rehearse and lead it wholeheartedly? How does this song encourage individual singers? How does it edify the church body?”

Leaders, we are curators. We are purveyors and patrons. We are on the frontlines, taking in massive amounts of music and filtering out what is good from what is bad (or simply not quite good). I will discuss goodness at length in my next article. Here, though, it is helpful to view your job through these alternate lenses. You have a unique obligation to discover, practice, implement, and lead songs that you find beneficial and beautiful. Like hunting for the perfect birthday gift for a loved one, you get to ponder, pick, and prepare music, offering your final selections as, first, a gift unto the Lord and, secondly, a useful tool for His people.

Pick discerningly. Practice diligently. Be kind.