Ryanne Molinari

At funerals and weddings, two families meet—perhaps for the first time. Such meetings can be either unspeakably sweet or unbearably awkward. I am not merely referring to parents meeting in-laws, but something more significant: the meeting of earthly and eternal families. When we gather to celebrate a marriage or mourn a death, we are confronted with either the beautiful harmony or tragic dissonance between our family of origin and the family of God.

I’ve witnessed weddings where one of the gathered families does not share the faith of the bride or groom. Such weddings tend to be haunted by misunderstanding and bitterness. I’ve seen the sorrow of Christian parents as they watch their children marry unbelievers. They are pressured to celebrate as an earthly family, but grieved to not also celebrate as the family of God.

Or consider funerals: As a pastor’s wife and church musician, I attend more funerals than most twenty-somethings. While there are tears at all of them, some are far more difficult than others. These are the funerals where the deceased’s earthly and families find themselves total strangers in more ways than one. These funerals are never openly contentious, but you can feel the discomfort. The merely earthly family mumbles along with the hymns or stands in silence while the church family sings with enthusiasm. The earthly family tolerates the sermon while the church family takes it to heart, letting loose a few “Amens” or “Alleluias.”

I suspect that such funerals are awkward for everyone—believer and nonbeliever alike. Nobody quite feels at ease, and how could they? Some of those gathered believe the words of the hymns and others find them sentimental formalities. Some genuinely hope for reunion and resurrection while others grieve without hope (1 Thess. 4:13). Some receive the gospel as welcome encouragement while others find it either a meaningless tale or an unpleasant possibility. These funerals are like weddings where one family is in open dispute with the other, but hides behind a veneer of picture-perfect courtesy. The event goes according to plan and looks nice, but everyone can feel the underlying division at some level.

But the awkwardness of these family meetings cannot compare to the glory of weddings or funerals when the earthly family is also part of the eternal family—when all are blessedly at one in Christ. I played the piano for such a funeral last weekend. (My husband officiated, thus solidifying the old trope of pastors marrying pianists.) As I looked around the sanctuary, I saw many people I see every Sunday in church, as well as faces I did not recognize but which bore resemblance to the woman we were honoring. The distinction between her church family and earthly family was thus clear to me.

But when we began singing, this distinction faded. Everyone sang. Everyone praised. Everyone joined in the refrain of “It is well with my soul!” And then, as my husband delivered a gospel message, the distinction between earthly family and eternal family disappeared altogether. Everyone was praying and amen-ing and smiling through their tears. The gospel was good news to those gathered, but it was not new news. The woman we were celebrating had been a dedicated messenger of her Lord Jesus. Not one of her friends or family members had escaped her gentle yet ardent evangelism. Her legacy of faith stood before me as her husband, siblings, children, grandchildren, friends, co-workers, and Sunday school students joined in worship and fellowship.

This woman made it her mission to invite her earthly loved ones into the family of God in Christ Jesus. As one woman remarked, “She was not just my best friend; she is my sister in Christ.”

There was no awkwardness, no tension, and no pretense at this service. Everyone welcomed one another as Christ had welcomed them: without reserve and with great joy (Rom. 15:7). They greeted and comforted one another as family. What an amazing testimony to leave behind. This woman’s two families met and found that they were already one. They may have been strangers, but they recognized each other right away as siblings.

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