Earlier this week, I played for a funeral. Although this is a regular part of my job as a church organist, this particular service was uniquely encouraging. The departed was clearly a remarkable lady. Her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren sang the hymns with incredible confidence, leading me to believe she has left behind a legacy of faithful worship.
As a family member spoke, I learned that the hymns I led that day were the departed lady’s favorites. I suspect that she herself may have picked them out ahead of time. Now, it might surprise you to learn that at many funerals, family members struggle to know what music to include. In the end, the pastor usually selects from a list of regulars including “On Eagle’s Wings.”
(As an aside, I am begging you: please do not request “On Eagle’s Wings” unless it is absolutely your departed loved one’s favorite. While it is passable as a solo song, it does not tend to work well as a congregational hymn. It is clunkily composed, too high for an average person to sing, and impossible to follow for anyone not raised in a traditional Lutheran church.)
Okay, it felt good to get that out of my system. Now, where were we?
Monday’s funeral included beloved hymns that are not usually on the funeral rotation but suited the service beautifully. All in attendance seemed familiar with them, and their texts left a clear legacy—like perfectly-curated last words or even a message from beyond the grave.
The first hymn, “Holy, Holy, Holy,” captured what the departed looked forward to doing: worshiping her Triune God with the angels and the saints. It also set forth the doctrine she held to and has apparently raised her family to adhere to as well.
The second hymn, “Abide With Me,” offered comfort in the midst of sorrow It allowed those in attendance a few minutes in which to grieve, to honestly acknowledge the reality of suffering and death even while remembering the hope of the gospel.
The final hymn, “The Church’s One Foundation” was perhaps the most surprising. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard this one at a funeral before, and I have played for a lot of funerals. It is a victory hymn about Jesus as the Church’s Cornerstone. It was apparently the departed’s favorite hymn. It seems to have been a sort of battle cry for her, encouraging her to keep worshiping, trusting, and serving through her many productive years. On Monday, it became a clarion call for those she left behind, exhorting them to stay true to Jesus, to keep praising him together, and to march onward to victory by his power and grace.
Combined, these three hymns were a marvelous gift for the bereaved in the form of a strong reminder to worship unceasingly, gentle permission to grieve with hope, and a rallying cry to cling to Christ and his Church.
A Mutual Gift
As I drove home, I began to think that, perhaps, we do not view funeral music the way we ought. Or, at least, perhaps the way we choose funeral music is lopsided—one-sided when it should be two. Memorial music ought to be a mutual gift.
We typically select funeral music based on what will honor the departed. When possible, though, it should also be the reverse, and we should all be proactive about selecting our funeral music, choosing songs and hymns as precious gifts to leave our loved ones. This practice may strike our modern sensitivities—which err toward memento vivere at the exclusion of memento mori—as morbid. However, planning our funeral music even when death seems distant is an act of immense, life-affirming generosity.
Choosing our funeral music in advance is a gift to those we leave behind in several ways:
- First and most pragmatically, it relieves them of the burden of having to choose music when they are already reeling, hurting, and navigating a hundred other decisions.
- Second, it offers our loved ones words we ourselves have chosen to help them in their time of trial. It is as if we are singing with them or speaking to them through those our chosen lyrics. It is a comfort, and a reminder that those who have died in the faith are yet part of that great chorus of eternally-living saints.
- Third, the songs we choose can encourage those we leave behind with specific advice and prayers. I doubt many people are able to perfectly prepare and articulate their last words. But by pre-selecting hymns that have been tried, tested, and refined by generations of believers, we can leave our loved ones with carefully curated “last words.” The lines they sing at our funerals can encourage, admonish, and comfort our loved ones with a clarity we are unlikely to possess in our final hours.
I played my first funeral at twelve years old. In the months leading up to it—as I watched my grandfather valiantly cling to Christ as cancer ravaged his body—I prepared an arrangement of “Amazing Grace” that I continue to use to this day. I played it at the service to honor my grandpa. But I also played it to comfort my dad, who had just lost his dad. It was a gift to all who were gathered, as well as to the one who was safely at rest with the Lord.
When chosen with intentionality, our funeral music becomes a gift for the departed and the left behind. It is a way of honoring the one who has died, as well as letting that person continue to encourage the living.
Whatever stage of life you are in, I encourage you to consider choosing your memorial music in advance and with great care. When you do so, it becomes a parting gift, offering final words of wisdom and hope to sustain your loved ones until you meet again.
On Funerals in General
It’s worth considering, too, how this view of memorial music can extend to funeral services as a whole. They are not merely services in which we gather to honor the dead, but a formal opportunity for the departed to serve us in a profound way.
Monday’s funeral invited the departed’s family to celebrate her life and mourn her death. But it was not just about what they were doing for her, but what she had done (and continued to do!) for them: encourage and exhort them by way of word and deed.
When we pass and and our friends and families gather to remember us, will our funeral also be a gift to them? Will it be a time for them to be comforted by our favorite hymns, encouraged by the life we led, and perhaps even gently admonished toward repentance and faith by our steadfast witness?
This is a sobering thought, but well worth pondering.
Ryanne Molinari 