Ryanne Molinari

Gentleness is a much-abused fruit in our day and age. For the sake of “gentleness,” people are told to abandon doctrinal convictions. For the sake of “gentleness,” people are coerced into disobeying scripture’s command to teach, exhort, and admonish.

To use gentleness in such ways is to misapply this powerful fruit. Gentleness, which is perhaps more aptly translated “meekness,” is not about being a doctrinal doormat. It isn’t about avoiding conviction and confrontation. Instead, it is about self-control (our next fruit!), servant leadership, wisdom, and—above all—worship.

Without further adieu, here are five facts about gentleness that must influence how we discuss and do all types of worship music, including music by organizations such as Bethel and Hillsong:

1. Gentleness is good…but it is not tame.

I love that line in the Narnia books that describes Aslan as a good lion, but certainly not a tame lion. In the Gospels, Jesus describes Himself as gentle and lowly; He empathizes with human suffering and is full of grace. However, we also see Jesus flipping tables and calling the Pharisees children of the devil. Is this the gentle and lowly (not to mention affirming) Jesus our culture wants? If Jesus describes His very heart as gentle, then we have to reconcile everything we see Him do and hear Him say with gentleness. Instead of trying to fit Jesus’ surprising and often drastic activities into our contemporary box labeled “gentleness,” we must reshape our view of gentleness to fit with Jesus’ whole person: God and man, grace and truth, Savior and Judge.

So what does this mean for worship music? For our worship to be characterized by gentleness, it must conform to Christlikeness. Most basically, this requires our worship to reckon with the state of human brokenness, as well as the divinity and righteousness of our Savior—the same righteousness which has been imparted to us as believers and followers of Him!

Pragmatically, must engage human brokenness. I will never forget the time I accidentally wounded a sister in Christ by playing a hymn that she associated with severe abuse. In this instance, I would have done better to play a song by a contemporary artist. I had not fully considered her burdens and was so convinced of the superiority of hymns that I failed to consider the emotional weight they might carry for someone with a different background than myself.

Even as we are gentle toward one another’s burdens, we need to ensure our music is not man-centered. Christ came to serve and save, but the end of all things is His exaltation. Gentleness, too, is for His glory. This requires us to examine lyrics and execution. Are the songs we use more about sympathizing with man or glorifying God? This is perhaps the most glaring criticism of contemporary worship. Although gentle worship engages with human brokenness, its primary goal is still to praise God’s greatness.

2. Gentleness dispels anger.

I don’t have the energy to get angry about worship music anymore. I have strong opinions and specific tastes, but I’m tired of waging war over anything not mandated by scripture. I am also exhausted by people complaining to me (and expecting me to join in) about whichever worship style they don’t like. It’s not contributing to a spirit of gentleness and, therefore, is not contributing to our worshipfulness! We need to discuss worship and discern what is appropriate, but if we don’t do so with a measured tone, carefully-selected words, and hearts open to consider others’ insights…well, not much will happen and we will just get farther and farther from the mark.

Scripture is clear that gentleness diffuses bitterness and anger (see Proverbs 15). Jesus Himself commands followers to turn the other cheek when they are struck, teaching them to absorb a second blow rather than inflict one themselves. This isn’t just about passivity; it’s about balance. A hit for a hit seems fair, but Jesus tells His followers to absorb both the insult and the balancing second strike. Make sense? This is true gentleness: being tough enough not to retaliate and to even accept another insult.

If you have strong opinions for or against Bethel and Hillsong, you don’t have to let go of those, but you do need to be careful how, when, where, and to whom you communicate them. Don’t contribute to an already-tense debate. Listen. Absorb. Speak when appropriate, but refuse to hit back when someone is bitter toward you and refuse to join in the punching when someone is hurling around hurtful opinions.

3. Gentleness testifies to power.

Again, our culture uses its skewed idea of “gentleness” to bully people into silence, so it becomes all too easy to mistake gentleness for weakness. However, it clearly takes toughness to receive a slap to the face, refuse to retaliate, and even welcome a second slap. In such a situation, who is actually manifesting strength? The slapper or the slapped? The offender or the gentle offended?

It takes a sort of brute force to hit someone, but it takes a great deal more inner power to receive the hit and maintain dignity and graciousness. Gentleness, much like grace, does not come from being a milksop but from a high level of discipline, pain tolerance, and resolve.

The most skilled worship leaders I know have also tended to be the most gentle. I had a mentor in college who was responsible for a large, thriving music ministry. She was highly educated, an exceptional musician, and a thoroughly put-together person. And yet, she never snapped at amateur singers, never slandered people who had different music tastes, and never stopped serving with anything other than deep intentionality. It is also worth adding that she never sought to control other ministries, but stewarded her own with self-control and focus. She was not gentle because she was incompetent or ignorant, but because she was musically, spiritually, and relationally mature. Ironically, I’ve seen a startling lack of gentleness in those who lack musical training and theological qualifications. Why? Because true gentleness proceeds from strength, excellence, and knowledge—i.e., self-control.

4. Gentleness is a quality of leaders.

The last couple of years have seen the exposure and downfall of arrogant and abusive leaders in the Church. While we need to be careful not to throw all convictions and institutions out along with them, there does seem to be a renewed desire for gentleness not in place of leadership but as leadership.

I’ve read that, in the ancient world, a conqueror who showed mercy to his enemies —even when it was within his full authority to execute judgment—might be described as “meek.” How much more so is our Savior “meek” with us? It is His perfect right to condemn anyone and everyone, yet He served the lowly and continues to save the souls of sinners.

That said, what of the worship leaders at Bethel and Hillsong? What about their leaders or cultures in general? Do they demonstrate the gentleness we should expect of Christian authority figures? Does this affect our ability to lead worship gently? Can our gentleness redeem songs by arrogant or abrasive artists? These are questions worth asking.

If you’re a worship leader, you likely have the education and experience to support your opinions. You also have a ready audience in your congregation. It is within your “right” to voice and mandate your opinions. Be aware of your power and use it wisely and humbly. If you decide to use must by Bethel and Hillsong, do so respectfully. If you decide not to, I’d challenge you to do so without loud virtue signaling. Don’t feel you must make a grand statement regarding your decision; make your decisions with prayer, study, and wise counsel. Then, guide your congregation forward, singing the songs you deem most fruitful and letting their lyrics speak for themselves. Rather than taking away from your credibility as a leader, such humble and quiet—even subtle—decision-making will add to it.

5. Gentleness is the heart of worship.

Whether you choose to sing Bethel and Hillsong or not, if you’re making your choice bombastically, you’re not worshiping…Jesus says His heart is gentle, and true worship must make us more like Him. If we are not worshiping in gentleness—submission to God and service toward one another—are we even worshiping?

Bonus: Gentleness is a fruit of self-control, so tune in for my next (and final) article in this series on the fruit of the Spirit and the Bethel/Hillsong debate.