It’s my mom’s birthday, so I spent some time reflecting on all of the reasons I’m thankful for her. There are too many to write, but at the top of the list is her wisdom. Here are a few of the lessons she taught my brother and me that continue to shape how we live and think:
1. Feeling follows action.
This one is pretty straightforward…in theory. It’s tougher in practice, but that does not make it any less true. Growing up (and now in adult life), my mom was always sympathetic to how we were feeling. Still, she aways encouraged us to do the right thing and trust that our feelings would eventually fall into alignment.
Whether practicing, writing, working, or exercising, if I waited around to feel motivated, I’d get very little done. Instead, I just have to get going and trust that my emotions will eventually join the party. More importantly, in faith, family, and friendship, we must keep worshiping and loving, hoping and serving, even if we have to drag our feelings along at first.
2. Explanations do not equal excuses.
Again, my mom tends to be more understanding of my emotions and struggles than I am, encouraging rest and lending an empathetic ear. However, she is careful to never let me or my brother confuse explanations for excuses.
Explanations help us identify our weaknesses and take practical steps to deal with them. Meanwhile, excuses are debilitating, leading us to justify self-destruction.
For me, “I’m anxious” is an explanation that reminds me to pray, journal, run, and relax. It is not an excuse that liberates me from honoring commitments or doing difficult things. This simple delineation has been transformative.
3. Others first.
This was the guiding principle of our home life growing up. Admittedly, my brother is much better at following it than I am. Still, my parents taught us service over selfishness and giving over getting. They modeled this for us in their radical generosity and astounding patience.
4. You can’t just not.
I am incredibly thankful for this direct but essential lesson. I remember, for example, when I was learning to ride a bike. As a perfectionist, when I fell off for the first time, I decided I was done with bikes. I needed none of that negativity in my little life!
Fake news.
Back on the bike I went. My parents were not about to let me give up on a healthy and necessary life skill just because I failed once. “You can’t just not,” became a refrain that cheered us on. My brother and I knew we would fail occasionally and that we would sometimes have to retry or redirect; the only option we didn’t have was quitting.
5. Consider your options.
Sometimes (usually when I’ve been overworking without taking time to rest and eat some protein), I have a moment where I feel paralyzed. A practical tool that my mom taught me is to consider my options instead of stewing in discontent.
The options can be large or small—it doesn’t really matter. The main thing is that, rather than dwelling in the doldrums, we have to consider potential paths out of them. Not happy with your job? Look into other options. Discontent with your home? Figure out some DIY projects in your budget. Dizzy and anxious? Cook a nourishing meal. Sad because your life isn’t exactly as you dreamed? Get to work!
Sometimes, there are no options for changing outside circumstances. In such instances, it is oddly relieving to come face to face with the only option: I will have to change—to humble myself, to serve, to wait, to pray, to trust.
6. Everyone likes to be asked.
See someone sitting alone at lunch? Ask them to eat with you. Wonder if so-and-so would like to hang out? Ask! I doubt anyone is ever angry about being included and noticed.
As a reserved kid, I sometimes felt left out in youth groups, etc. While Mom understood my pain, she also encouraged me to reach out to others and help remedy their loneliness rather than complaining idly about my own. I’m so thankful for this principle, which not only helped me grow in confidence but introduced me to some of my favorite people.
Conclusion
There are so many more lessons I could add here, but these were the ones that sprang most readily to mind for now. Happy birthday, Mom! I am so thankful for your grace and gumption, your devotion and dedication.
Ryanne Molinari 